oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
