i barfeds in our rink
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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