we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
