not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
God I need to hump something, right now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
