Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
