You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
