why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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