Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
