the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
