I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize