I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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