Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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