i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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