I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
