too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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