It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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