Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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