You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
