honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
