dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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