There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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