Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize