well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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