I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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