and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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