It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
