Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
