btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
