This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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