I'm drive I can fine osifer
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
