I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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