im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
