Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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