lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The air was thick with penises
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
