So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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