Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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