Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
