her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
