you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
