i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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