My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
