I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hate all girls vehemently.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
