I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
only if we run a train.
done.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
