I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I stole a fireplace last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
