im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your cock deserves a montage
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
