im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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