Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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