Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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