i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
