Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
