I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
