i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
