Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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