I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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