Who did Billy Mays play for?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
