i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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