I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Alive.
So much puke
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
