dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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