What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
