Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
