I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
