I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
