Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
