Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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