kristin has been a bad kristin
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
