i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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