He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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