i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
