I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize