a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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