left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
