Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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