My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
